Merlin, and the Book of Making Danica Want to Kill Things

Below follows a long and badly worded rant about a movie I watched, which is filled with spoilers and fangirl-ing. You have been warned.



So last night I watched a movie called "Merlin and the Book of Beasts", which had not so promising reviews on Netflix. However, I was good for a campy, not to be taken seriously movie, so I decided to give it a chance. I liked the first scene, that is, until the action started (which had me rolling my eyes), mainly because it looked a lot better than the low-budget peasantry I was expecting. It looked like some amount of care was actually taken toward making the setting look authentic, and the cinematography kept me interested. This was the same for the rest of the movie: I loved the sets, the clothing, and the camera angles chosen (most of the time), and was actually interested in what was happening, that is, until the overdone bad guy and his useless minions came on screen. Yes, it was a made-for-TV sort of movie, and certain bits of dialogue or plot points made me want to bang the writers' heads against a wall (as well as whoever choreographed the sword fights), but I enjoyed my time watching it (though why all the reviewers were complaining about Merlin and not the ridiculous 'evil overlord' is beyond me).

There was a lot about the story I genuinely enjoyed, at least, that's what I thought. See, the whole movie for me was sort of driven by this Merlin/Avlynn thing (Avlynn being King Arthur and Gwenhwyfar's daughter) which SPOILER in the end turned out to be completely in my head. Actually, no, let me rephrase that: in the end turned out to be completely misplaced sexual tension that seemed to be created for no reason whatsoever except to drive me bonkers! I mean, it was there! I could see it, every time they looked in each others' eyes, or when Merlin died (and then got brought back to life), and then she ends up with the dorky son of Galahad? Who she's shown no attraction to throughout the movie, and from what I could see, regards as nothing more than a friend, and perhaps annoying foster brother? Gah! It made me want to tear my hair out!

I mean, come on! Right at the end, Merlin is walking Avlynn through a restored Camelot, and the camera kept pulling back to show them standing together, and facing each other (silhouetted to finally kiss, in my opinion), but nothing ever happened! Merlin makes a remark like 'well, you've got Lysanor (Galahad's son) to be with now', or something, and she says something along the lines of 'yes', and looks down, appearing regretful. Then she asks 'where will you go?' almost hopefully, and he basically says he'll just wander off into the wilds again as if nothing ever happened. And then he does. And then the movie's over. And then Danica wants to scream, except it's two in the morning and everyone else is asleep.

I mean, are they both just too stupid to realize how they feel, or do they realize it, but fear what the other would think if they confessed, so they just try to ignore it and forget it? I would even accept that as an ending (huge fan of angst here), if they would have just made it an actual part of the story, instead of just pretending none of it had happened and she'd wanted Lysanor all along (she just didn't realize it because of how much she liked him, drivel, drivel, fake excuses, barf)!! Oh, and if you've put together 'Arthur's daughter' with 'Merlin' and are getting creeped out by the age thing, they even said at the beginning that Merlin was aging backwards, so physically he doesn't look much older than 40 (a rugged 40, but he has been living in a forest for the past 20 years), and by the end he becomes mortal (and presumably ages forward again), so I say it cancels out. Love knows no gender or age, and all that. Plus, anyone who knows me should know that I'm a huge fan of generation gap relationships like that (another spoiler: on Dexter, when Debra and Lundy finally hooked up, I nearly died from happiness, because I'd seen that one coming from a mile away too!).

So anyway, that's my massive rant on that subject. It sounds better verbalized than written in a sprawling manner like that, but I'm definitely not recording myself babbling and posting it here, so that's all you get!

And another thing about that movie: Merlin's voice, and actually, the Merlin character. I loved him. I thought he was perfect for a sort of antisocial, outside of the ways of the world wizard. And come on, all you Netflix reviewers: Jamaican? 'Bad Johnny Depp pirate impersonation'? He's Welsh, you idiots! And especially for the ones claiming 'I love the Merlin legend and study it and everything, and he sucks'. . . Ever hear of Myrddin? Welsh! Welsh! Yes, his voice is gravelly, but I thought it worked for him, and I could understand what he was saying just fine. But anyway, I really did love just everything about the character. His expressions, his mannerisms, his odd sense of humor, everything. Gruff is the perfect word for it, and it's how I've always wanted to picture Merlin: a bit mad, and not worried what others think of him. It seems I'm in the minority because of that, but I don't mind at all. Besides, I'm used to being in the minority for most of my opinions. :)

Also, if this movie did nothing else, it made me want to look up James Callis. I've been avoiding watching the new Battlestar Gallactica like the plague (same thing with Lost and Heroes; if it's 'critically acclaimed' and 'normal' people watch it and enthuse, it's probably not for me (bring on the SG-1 and Firefly!)), but I might just watch it now, if just for him.