Last day of NaNo 2014

I'm starting the day at 36220 words. Yep, nearly 14k words to go to hit 50k. Not as bad as last year. And a much more believable goal now that I've remembered to take my Prozac, unlike yesterday. Oops.

I'll try to check in roughly every hour with what I'm at, what I'm listening to, and how it's going. So:

At around 8:15 I'd just added 1022 words, making my new total 37242. Now that I have this post set up, let's kick that in the butt before 9:00 rolls around.

inner critic, go away; go jump off a cliff today. . . .

It's ridiculous that I just wrote a blog post justifying that yes, I am a writer, since now I feel so very iffy on that front. I know it has to do with the fact that I'm randomly depressed again, and that I just got a good critique (read, was not nice to my story in exactly the way it needed to be, and pointed out a lot of things I need to fix to make it work), so I feel like if I can't even write a story that makes sense, who am I to say I'm a writer?

project 366 - another dose of highlights

I finally got caught up on my 366 project again. I'd been taking photos, and even processing most of them, but without actually putting them on my flickr, it didn't feel like I'd been keeping up on my goal. I even felt like calling it quits again. But now that I have them all up, I feel better about this project. So here are my favorites since the last update (going to be a long post, since it's been a while):

NaNo day 20 - fighting against a lazy Sunday

7:46 pm, and about a hundred words to show for it.  Plus, it was once again hard to convince myself to leave my bed this mor-afternoon. I wonder if leaving the house and being social is what pushes my moods into the basement the next day.

If I take the time to look at it, Thursday I was at school until five, leaving just enough time to come home and get something to eat before going to writers' group and getting my story critiqued, which despite being exceedingly beneficial to the writing process, is always an added source of stress. And Friday I woke up more depressed than I remember being for quite some time. After puttering about the house for all of Friday, I woke up on Saturday in a much better mood, which remained for most of the day and sustained me through going downtown to a write-in then doing laundry at a way too noisy laundromat. And today, I once again woke up without the motivation to do anything but sleep.

NaNo day 18 (and the start of 19)

Is it already the 19th? Glory. This month has had the strangest feeling of dragging past, but suddenly, we're nearing the end stretch. Which reminds me about that photography final assignment I've been neglecting, which is to document my experience with NaNo this year. I think I've journaled twice. Oops.

But anyway, after not meeting my goal for 3 days in a row (and not even writing anything 2 of those days) I somehow pulled a 5k day. I'm still not quite sure myself how I manged it. I woke up incredibly depressed and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep so I could escape back into my dreams for a while. But I dragged my butt out of bed, knowing I had to make today count as far as my words went. So what did I do? Spent the next 3 hours googling bipolar. Yep.

starting the new year

So for a start to the new year, yesterday was both good and bad. I was actually quite productive: I finished my Alice in Wonderland ravelry swap project--which looks awesome and I'm very proud of--and made a penguin phone cozy for my mom and a rabbit phone cozy for my sister. And yet, I was still randomly depressed all day. I think that it was a good example of the fact that my moods often have little to no correlation with my actions because I actually have my sleep schedule back to normal and I had an enjoyable day, but I still felt like just curling up and crying.

But anyway, that's boring, so I'll talk about something else now. For the past few years, I've made resolutions to do all kinds of things for the new year--to write more, to be less lazy, to focus more on my studies and get better grades, to finally figure out what I want to do with my life--and every time, I fail utterly, and am depressed for most of January after the first week doesn't meet my expectations. So this year, I made no such resolutions. I would love for all of those things to happen, but those are ongoing goals, and I'm not going to try and force the change just because the year felt like changing. I need to be the one to feel like changing.

Also, I got to level 79 on my priest, and my hunter is at 83. :D

theft of thought

I wonder, if I really was a crazy complete recluse (by which I mean without the internet; I'm already a crazy recluse) if I would have any good ideas at all? I mean, I know I would--I'm just being depressed (and depressing)--but I see things that my friends do or think of, and am utterly amazed at their creativity.