NaNo day 18 (and the start of 19)

Is it already the 19th? Glory. This month has had the strangest feeling of dragging past, but suddenly, we're nearing the end stretch. Which reminds me about that photography final assignment I've been neglecting, which is to document my experience with NaNo this year. I think I've journaled twice. Oops.

But anyway, after not meeting my goal for 3 days in a row (and not even writing anything 2 of those days) I somehow pulled a 5k day. I'm still not quite sure myself how I manged it. I woke up incredibly depressed and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep so I could escape back into my dreams for a while. But I dragged my butt out of bed, knowing I had to make today count as far as my words went. So what did I do? Spent the next 3 hours googling bipolar. Yep.


It reminds me I really should get into a doctor one of these days. Not sure what a diagnosis would do for me, especially since I'm against taking antidepressants for fear of turning into a zombie, but maybe it would help me out some to actually know what the heck is broken in my brain. Or at least I could get my thyroid levels checked, like I've been meaning to for years.

But anyway, I didn't come in here to blog about that junk. I came in to say that I hit 49k just before midnight on the 18th, and before one on the 19th I passed the 50k threshold! Whoo hoo! Confetti and streamers! Now I want to get to bed so I can be lucid for the write-in at 2:00 tomorrow.

The weirdest part in all of this 'celebration' is that part of me is trying very hard not to feel downtrodden. Even as I'm doing well, I keep berating myself by saying that last year I hit 50k on about day 12, and that I'm still behind for my goal of 100k. I'm really good at beating myself up, especially when I'm actually making progress. I think my brain is being the strict parent I never had, saying my A- isn't good enough, and ignoring the fact that I'm struggling with some pretty serious emotional and mental problems. Maybe I just need to follow the immortal words of one Homer J. Simpson. So, shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip.


So how are my fellow Wrimos doing? Are you making your goals? Breaking them and making new ones, like I did when I dropped from 150k to 100? Fighting with the little voices in your head? The comment section wants to know!

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Listening to: Vampires Will Never Hurt You by My Chemical Romance. I remember having the realization a few years ago when this was my favourite song that my dad wouldn't even consider this music. And well, yeah, it kind of is just noise. But it's noise that I like! And still better than rap. :)